Right wingers ruin golf…

As any modern golf fan knows, the sport has moved effortlessly into the 21st century, and is all about having a wonderful time, looking fantastic, and getting seriously tipsy. So why old fashioned 20th century golf had to wade in and spoil the party by demanding that foreigners stop speaking their gobbledygook, no one knows. It just seems so… fusty.

And yet, the LPGA Tour have indeed demanded that all non-English speaking women learn the language, and fast.

“For an athlete to be successful in the sports entertainment world we live in, they need to be great performers on and off the course, and being able to communicate effectively with sponsors and fans is a big part of this,” honked Libba Galloway, the deputy commissioner of the Ladies Professional Golf Association, before further insisting that should they not be up to scratch by 2009, it could result in a suspension.

It’s the forty-five Korean players on the tour that supposedly got her goat, with their bemusing accents and strange words. And her next job will involve banishing anyone with long hair or plump cheerful faces, because they just don’t look serious enough on camera. Damn pot smokers.